Dear Friend,
So you took tons of Vitamin C, echinacea, cleaned your sinuses with your neti pot, got adjusted, cut out all sugar and ...you still got the flu. You know the old saying: epidemics are made, they don't just happen. But don't panic ...here's my expert advise:
MILK IT
Oh, yeah ...I'm talking the Full Monty. It's a FLU, just like back in the day, no more, no less. So do it old-school: Get all cozy on the couch, wrapped up in your favorite blankie or one of those really cool Snuggies. Have at least 3 boxes of Puffs Plus within reach. Pull on those thick wool socks or those light-weight fleecey ones. Keep a simmering kettle on the stove with a non-stop flow of tea coming your way. Watch tons of stupid TV ...like Oprah giving away free cars to those who can't afford the sales tax. (Stay away from FOXnews ...even your President says you don't need that kind of brain damaging dribble in your weakened state.) And ...whenever possible ...get OTHERS to do things for YOU!
GET INTO IT I'm not kidding! Let EVERYONE KNOW so that your friends, family, and co-workers will send their condolences and concerned Facebook updates ...wondering and even worrying about how you are! Consider posting hour-by-hour Twitter updates. They'll FEEL SORRY FOR YOU while you get to be with your favorite person (YOU!) without any distractions or pesky deadlines. Because here's the best part: When else can you take up to a WHOLE WEEK OFF FROM WORK AWAY FROM ALL THOSE IRRITATING CO-WORKERS with no penalty? It's like you won the lottery!!! Oh, happy days!!! Go on ...pour yourself another steaming cup of Throat Coat!
Don't forget that if someone calls you, bring your best game face; sniffle as much as possible, cough really, really hard a few times to stoke their concern (you'll evoke that great phrase, "Oh my God ...you sound AWFUL!"), and if you can --sneeze huge so they'll feel compelled to leave you the hell alone ...just what you want, and need. (If you can't muster a good sneeze right then ...just grab the cat and rub it under your nose ...100% guaranteed to get you a "God Bless You!" or a "Gesundheit!" followed quickly by a resounding "Good Bye!" ...leaving you like Marlene Dietrich ...ALONE.
I know you have a smile on your face! You're thinking, "Damn ...that's sounding good right now with all that's going on in the office ...but I'm not even sick." Well ...not YET, BOYYYEEE!
You see, a cold, flu, or any other type of sinus infection is an adult "time-out" ...where your bodymind has had enough of the kids, your significant other, or that idiot transfer from Cincinnati that's making you look bad. Of course we can't "time out" like we could when we were kids ...so we let nature do her thing by creating a socially acceptable way to pull it off.
LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR: The absolute worst thing you can do is FEEL BAD about being sick! Only a crazy person would do that. I mean ...why in hell would you want to miss an opportunity to be GRUMPY, SLOPPY, INDULGENT, and LAZY all at the same time? And it comes with SYMPATHY!! It's a no-brainer. Plus, negativity will make the illness dig into those dark corners where -- believe me -- you don't want to go.
And here's yet another bonus: If you do it right and follow your instincts, you'll probably lose about 10lbs of toxic waste ...remnants from all the late-summer partying. Why else do you think these flu things come in the fall? And make no mistake ...the detoxing from the flu is a HUGE part of its healing design. So embrace it's grace.
Here's a thought to ponder: Using the logic above, an epidemic is a large-scale wish for many to take a time-out. It's like we all need a break and a re-set to deeply detox from the Bush years, from the great push of the election, the fears of economic collapse, fears of terrorism, global warming, the current political un-civil war, and questions of why on God's good earth didn't Adam Lambert win American Idol.
Well, I hope this helps. As you know I had this thing a few weeks back and went through it bareback ...I took nothing and let it do its magic. I recommend it for those hard-core health crazies like me. It'll go through you faster than if you take symptom relief remedies because you'll be letting your INNATE run the show as it's designed to do. Try to see if you can do it. I'll still love you if you don't ...promise.
Gotta go finish the real PART II!
GET ADJUSTED, STAY STRONG
Dr Lou
No comments:
Post a Comment